So, Christmas has gone and only the New Year jollies to come. If you have been coping with a first Christmas or yet another one without a loved one, everything will soon be back to ‘normal’. But what is ‘normal?’ Has it been ‘normal’ for you to feel pain and suffering for the last year? A heaviness,a depression, like you are stuck, like you will never be able to take part in life again? that you have to stay feeling like this?
All these feelings are part of the grieving process but it doesn’t have to be a life sentence. You don’t have to become a victim to your loss. I expect you heard many messages before Christmas about allowing your feelings and that you didn’t have to pretend that it was a ‘Happy Christmas’. These were all wise words but death or loss for one should not mean death or loss for two or more. You can recover and take part in life again. Small steps, yes, but ones that you have to take.
First, resolve to help yourself, only you have the solutions and answers. Acknowledge that you need help and then resolve to ask for it. You may have to look around for the right kind of help, for you. Friends and family, whilst well meaning don’t always have the correct information. You may want to talk about your loss or listen to someone else telling you how and why you feel like you do, (although you actually know already)! Support groups can actually allow you to retraumatise yourself by constant re-telling of your story, they can help to keep you stuck by not offering any ways to move forward.
Nobody is asking you to forget your loved one, or other type of loss like safety or trust. Waiting for someone or something else to ‘fix’ things is not going to happen. You have to DO something yourself and engage in the process. Find the right therapist or group that helps you to move forward. The Grief Recovery Method offers you the tools to help you to take back responsibility and control of how you feel. If you only make or keep one New Years Resolution in 2019 make it this one. For more information see www.celebrant-services.co.uk/grief-recovery and www.griefrecoverymethod.co.uk/susanholden